Benny Jay: Girls Play Sports ? The Third City

August 20th, 2011

Editor?s Note: Benny Jay has gone fishin? ? even though he doesn?t fish. While he?s away, we?ll run this Golden Oldie?.

I?m sitting in the bowling alley nursing a Coke, when Tara walks up to our lane?.

She went to grammar school with my oldest daughter about ? oh ? ten years ago. Almost don?t recognize her. Haven?t seen her in years. Turns out she?s friend with the Young One, a bowler on my team.

?Mr. Ben,? she exclaims.

That?s what the kids used to call me.

?You?re all grown up,? I tell her. ?You don?t have to call me Mr. Ben anymore?.?

She laughs. Guess some habits are hard to break?.

Here?s the skinny on Tara. Super smart ? a freaking whiz at mathematics. But she had no use for sports, though her mother, Lisa, was one of the best softball players ? man or woman ? I?ve ever seen.

I watched Lisa play for one of the teams in the Lesbian leagues down by the lake. Lisa?s not a lesbian, but it turns out teams in the Lesbian league are allowed a ringer or two. They all wanted Lisa on their team.

Anyway, when Tara was in eighth grade, Lisa got in her mind that she should join a softball team ? just to check out the sport.

Somehow or other I wound up as Lisa?s assistant. Not sure how that happened. Guess I?m just a sucker for anything to do with sports.

Just call me Ozzie ? the world?s greatest softball coach?.

We gathered Tara and her friends ? Ashley, Camille, Amber, Mariah, Leslie, etc ? and had them meet us for practice in the field behind the school.

In all due respect to those girls ? and I love `em all ? this had to be the? worst collection of softball players I?ve ever seen. Couldn?t hit, couldn?t field ? didn?t like the game.

Except for Mariah. God bless, Mariah. That girl could hit the hell out of the ball.

But the others? Oh, brother. I?d hit them grounders and as the ball came their way, they?d shriek. They?d spend much of practice explaining why they didn?t want to practice.

Mr. Ben ? it?s too hot?.

Mr. Ben ? I just fixed my nails?.

Mr. Ben ? I just did my hair?.

That hair excuse always drove me crazy. What is it about girls and their hair? My own daughter ? flesh and blood! ? once got really mad at me cause I asked her to play basketball after she?d gotten her hair done for the school picture.

?You don?t understand!? she told me as she marched off to tell Michelle Jackson, a mom at the school. Next thing I know I got Michelle on my case. Made me out as the villain ? like I had done something wrong?.

But back to the softball team?.

We played one game. An exhibition against the freshman team from Payton, the high school down the street.

And here?s the thing ? we won!

Still don?t know how that happened. I guess we managed to find the one team in captivity even worse than we were. Plus, Mariah hit a couple of home runs. She slugged one ball so high and far that I don?t think it?s hit the ground yet ? and that was almost ten years ago?.

Like I was saying ? God bless, Mariah?.

After that game, I retired from softball coaching. Figured it was good to quit with a perfect record since there was nowhere else to go but down?.

Well, anyway, Tara and I caught up in the bowling alley. She got her degree. Has a job that takes her all over the world. One day she?s going to settle in Chicago and run a bunch of businesses.

You watch ? as smart as she is, she?s going to be as rich as Zuckerberg, the kid who built Facebook.

I?d better be nice to her ? call her Ms. Tara.

I figure if this Third City thing doesn?t pan out, she can put her old softball coach on the payroll?.

Source: http://www.thethirdcity.org/blog/benny-jay/uncategorized/benny-jay-girls-play-sports/

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